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All your ideas are relevant to your thesis, but you need
to organize them more logically. Make sure that each
paragraph has a topic sentence and that everything in that
paragraph supports that topic sentence. If there are
sentences that don't relate directly to the central idea of
the paragraph, think about 1) moving that idea to another
paragraph, 2) creating a paragraph for it if the idea is
important enough and there is no paragraph that discusses it
already, or 3) deleting that sentence if it is not part of
your argument. |
