Candide Was Obliged to Leave
the Fair Cunegund and the
The fair Cunegund, being thus made acquainted with the history of the old
woman's life and adventures, paid her all the respect and civility due to a
person of her rank and merit. She very readily acceded to her proposal of
engaging the passengers to relate their adventures in their turns, and was at
length, as well as Candide, compelled to acknowledge that the old woman was
in the right.
"It is a thousand pities," said Candide, "that the sage
Pangloss should have been hanged contrary to the custom of an auto-da-fe, for
he would have given us a most admirable lecture on the moral and physical
evil which overspreads the earth and sea; and I think I should have courage
enough to presume to offer (with all due respect) some few objections."
While everyone was reciting his adventures, the ship continued on her way,
and at length arrived at Buenos Ayres, where Cunegund, Captain Candide, and
the old woman, landed and went to wait upon the governor, Don Fernando d'Ibaraa y Figueora y
Mascarenes y Lampourdos y Souza.
This nobleman carried himself with a haughtiness suitable to a person who
bore so many names. He spoke with the most noble disdain to everyone, carried
his nose so high, strained his voice to such a pitch, assumed so imperious an
air, and stalked with so much loftiness and pride, that everyone who had the
honor of conversing with him was violently tempted to bastinade His
Excellency. He was immoderately fond of women, and Miss Cunegund appeared in
his eyes a paragon of beauty. The first thing he did was to ask her if she
was not the captain's wife. The air with which he made this demand alarmed
Candide, who did not dare to say he was married to her, because indeed he was
not; neither did he venture to say she was his sister, because she was not;
and though a lie of this nature proved of great service to one of the
ancients, and might possibly be useful to some of the moderns, yet the purity of his heart would not permit
him to violate the truth.
"Miss Cunegund," replied he, "is to do me the honor to marry
me, and we humbly beseech Your Excellency to condescend to grace the ceremony
with your presence."
Don Fernando d'Ibaraa y Figueora y Mascarenes y Lampourdos y Souza, twirling
his mustachio, and putting on a sarcastic smile, ordered Captain Candide to
go and review his company. The gentle Candide obeyed, and the Governor was
left with Miss Cunegund. He made her a strong declaration of love, protesting
that he was ready to give her his hand in the face of the Church, or
otherwise, as should appear most agreeable to a young lady of her prodigious
beauty. Cunegund desired leave to retire a quarter of an hour to consult the
old woman, and determine how she should proceed.
The old woman gave her the following counsel:
"Miss, you have seventy-two
quarterings in your arms, it is true, but you have not a penny to bless yourself
with. It is your own fault if you do not become the wife of one of the
greatest noblemen in South America, with an exceeding fine mustachio. What
business have you to pride yourself upon an unshaken constancy? You have been
outraged by a Bulgar soldier; a Jew and an Inquisitor have both tasted of
your favors. People take advantage of misfortunes. I must confess, were I in
your place, I should, without the least scruple, give my hand to the
Governor, and thereby make the fortune of the brave Captain Candide."
While the old woman was thus haranguing, with all the prudence that old age
and experience furnish, a small bark entered the harbor, in which was an
and his alguazils. Matters had fallen out as follows.
The old woman rightly guessed that the Franciscan with the long sleeves, was
the person who had taken Miss Cunegund's money and jewels, while they and
Candide were at Badajoz, in their flight from Lisbon. This same friar attempted
to sell some of the diamonds to a jeweler, who presently knew them to have
belonged to the Grand Inquisitor, and stopped them. The Franciscan, before he
was hanged, acknowledged that he had stolen them and described the persons,
and the road they had taken. The flight of Cunegund and Candide was already
the talk of the town. They sent in pursuit of them to Cadiz; and the vessel
which had been sent to make the greater dispatch, had now reached the port of
Buenos Ayres. A report was spread that an alcayde was going to land, and
that he was in pursuit of the murderers of My Lord, the Inquisitor. The sage
old woman immediately saw what was to be done.
"You cannot run away," said she to Cunegund, "but you have
nothing to fear; it was not you who killed My Lord Inquisitor: besides, as
the Governor is in love with you, he will not suffer you to be ill-treated;
therefore stand your ground."
Then hurrying away to Candide, she said, "Be gone hence this instant, or
you will be burned alive."
Candide found there was no time to be lost; but how could he part from
Cunegund, and whither must he fly for shelter?
Reception Candide and Cacambo
Met with among the Jesuits in Paraguay
Candide had brought with him from Cadiz such a footman as one often meets
with on the coasts of Spain and in the colonies. He was the fourth part of a
Spaniard, of a mongrel breed, and born in Tucuman. He had successively gone
through the profession of a singing boy, sexton, sailor, monk, peddler, soldier,
and lackey. His name was Cacambo; he had a great affection for his
master, because his master was a very good man. He immediately saddled the
two Andalusian horses.
"Come, my good master, let us follow the old woman's advice, and make
all the haste we can from this place without staying to look behind us."
Candide burst into a flood of tears, "O my dear Cunegund, must I then be
compelled to quit you just as the Governor was going to honor us with his
presence at our wedding! Cunegund, so long lost and found again, what will
now become of you?"
"Lord!" said Cacambo, "she must do as well as she can; women are
never at a loss. God takes care of them, and so let us make the best of our
"But whither wilt thou carry me? where can we go? what can we do without
Cunegund?" cried the disconsolate Candide.
"By St. James de Compostella," said Cacambo, "you were going
to fight against the Jesuits of Paraguay; now let us go and fight for them; I
know the road perfectly well; I'll conduct you to their kingdom; they will be
delighted with a captain that understands the Bulgar drill; you will
certainly make a prodigious fortune. If we cannot succeed in this world we
may in another. It is a great pleasure to see new objects and perform new
"Then you have been in Paraguay?" asked Candide.
"Ay, marry, I have," replied Cacambo. "I was a scout in the
College of the Assumption, and am as well acquainted with the new government of the Los Padres as
I am with the streets of Cadiz. Oh, it is an admirable government, that is
most certain! The kingdom is at present upwards of three hundred leagues in
diameter, and divided into thirty provinces; the fathers there are masters of
everything, and the people have no money at all; this you must allow is the
masterpiece of justice and reason. For my part, I see nothing so divine as
the good fathers, who wage war in this part of the world against the troops
of Spain and Portugal, at the same time that they hear the confessions of
those very princes in Europe; who kill Spaniards in America and send them to
Heaven at Madrid. This pleases me exceedingly, but let us push forward; you
are going to see the happiest and most fortunate of all mortals. How charmed
will those fathers be to hear that a captain who understands the Bulgar
military drill is coming to them."
As soon as they reached the first barrier, Cacambo called to the advance
guard, and told them that a captain wanted to speak to My Lord, the General.
Notice was given to the main guard, and immediately a Paraguayan officer ran
to throw himself at the feet of the Commandant to impart this news to him.
Candide and Cacambo were immediately disarmed, and their two Andalusian
horses were seized. The two strangers were conducted between two files of
musketeers, the Commandant was at the further end with a three-cornered cap
on his head, his gown tucked up, a sword by his side, and a half-pike in his
hand; he made a sign, and instantly four and twenty soldiers drew up round
the newcomers. A sergeant told them that they must wait; the Commandant could
not speak to them; and that the Reverend Father Provincial did not suffer any
Spaniard to open his mouth but in his presence, or to stay above three hours
in the province.
"And where is the Reverend Father Provincial?" said Cacambo.
"He has just come from Mass and is at the parade," replied the
sergeant, "and in about three hours' time you may possibly have the
honor to kiss his spurs."
"But," said Cacambo, "the Captain, who, as well as myself, is
perishing of hunger, is no Spaniard, but a German; therefore, pray, might we
not be permitted to break our fast till we can be introduced to His
The sergeant immediately went and acquainted the Commandant with what he
"God be praised," said
the Reverend Commandant,
"since he is a German I will hear what he has to say; let him be brought
to my arbor."
Immediately they conducted Candide to a beautiful pavilion adorned with a
colonnade of green marble, spotted with yellow, and with an intertexture of
vines, which served as a kind of cage for parrots, humming birds, guinea hens,
and all other curious kinds of birds. An excellent breakfast was provided in
vessels of gold; and while the Paraguayans were eating coarse Indian corn out
of wooden dishes in the open air, and exposed to the burning heat of the sun,
the Reverend Father Commandant retired to his cool arbor.
He was a very handsome young man, round-faced, fair, and fresh-colored, his
eyebrows were finely arched, he had a piercing eye, the tips of his ears were
red, his lips vermilion, and he had a bold and commanding air; but such a
boldness as neither resembled that of a Spaniard nor of a Jesuit. He ordered
Candide and Cacambo to have their arms restored to them, together with their
two Andalusian horses. Cacambo gave the poor beasts some oats to eat close by
the arbor, keeping a strict eye upon them all the while for fear of surprise.
Candide having kissed the hem of the Commandant's robe, they sat down to
"It seems you are a German," said the Jesuit to him in that
"Yes, Reverend Father," answered Candide.
As they pronounced these words they looked at each other with great amazement
and with an emotion that neither could conceal.
"From what part of Germany do you come?" said the Jesuit.
"From the dirty province of Westphalia," answered Candide.
"I was born in the castle of Thunder-ten-tronckh."
"Oh heavens! is it possible?" said the Commandant.
"What a miracle!" cried Candide.
"Can it be you?" said the Commandant.
On this they both drew a few steps backwards, then running into each other's
arms, embraced, and wept profusely.
"Is it you then, Reverend Father? You are the brother of the fair Miss
Cunegund? You that was slain by the Bulgars! You the Baron's son! You a
Jesuit in Paraguay! I must confess this is a strange world we live in. O
Pangloss! what joy would this have given you if you had not been
The Commandant dismissed the Negro slaves, and the Paraguayans who presented
them with liquor in crystal goblets. He returned thanks to God and St.
Ignatius a thousand times; he clasped Candide in his arms, and both their
faces were bathed in tears.
"You will be more surprised, more affected, more transported," said
Candide, "when I tell you that Miss Cunegund, your sister, whose belly
was supposed to have been ripped open, is in perfect health."
"In your neighborhood, with the Governor of Buenos Ayres; and I myself
was going to fight against you."
Every word they uttered during this long conversation was productive of some
new matter of astonishment. Their souls fluttered on their tongues, listened
in their ears, and sparkled in their eyes. Like true Germans, they continued
a long while at table, waiting for the Reverend Father; and the Commandant
spoke to his dear Candide as follows.
Candide Killed the Brother of His Dear Cunegund
Never while I live shall I lose the remembrance of that horrible day on which
I saw my father and mother barbarously butchered before my eyes, and my
sister ravished. When the Bulgarians retired we searched in vain for my dear
sister. She was nowhere to be found; but the bodies of my father, mother, and
myself, with two servant maids and three little boys, all of whom had been murdered
by the remorseless enemy, were thrown into a cart to be buried in a chapel
belonging to the Jesuits, within two leagues of our family seat. A Jesuit
sprinkled us with some holy water, which was confounded salty, and a few
drops of it went into my eyes; the father perceived that my eyelids stirred a
little; he put his hand upon my breast and felt my heartbeat; upon which he
gave me proper assistance, and at the end of three weeks I was perfectly
recovered. You know, my dear Candide, I was very handsome; I became still
more so, and the Reverend Father Croust, superior of that house, took a great
fancy to me; he gave me the habit of the order, and some years afterwards I
was sent to Rome. Our General stood in need of new recruits of young German
Jesuits. The sovereigns of Paraguay admit of as few Spanish Jesuits as
possible; they prefer those of other nations, as being more obedient to
command. The Reverend Father General looked upon me as a proper person to
work in that vineyard. I set out in company with a Polander and a Tyrolese.
Upon my arrival I was honored with a sub-deaconship and a lieutenancy. Now I
am colonel and priest. We shall give a warm reception to the King of Spain's
troops; I can assure you they will be well excommunicated and beaten. Providence
has sent you hither to assist us. But is it true that my dear sister Cunegund
is in the neighborhood with the Governor of Buenos Ayres?"
Candide swore that nothing could be more true; and the tears began again to
trickle down their cheeks. The Baron knew no end of embracing Candide; he
called him his brother, his deliverer.
"Perhaps," said he, "my dear Candide, we shall be fortunate
enough to enter the town, sword in hand, and recover my sister
"Ah! that would crown my wishes," replied Candide; "for I
intended to marry her; and I hope I shall still be able to effect it."
the Baron. "You! you have the impudence to marry my sister, who bears
seventy-two quarterings! Really, I think you have an insufferable degree of
assurance to dare so much as to mention such an audacious design to me."
Candide, thunderstruck at the oddness of this speech, answered:
"Reverend Father, all the quarterings in the world are of no
signification. I have delivered your sister from a Jew and an Inquisitor; she
is under many obligations to me, and she is resolved to give me her hand. My
master, Pangloss, always told me that mankind are by nature equal. Therefore,
you may depend upon it that I will marry your sister."
"We shall see to that, villain!" said the Jesuit, Baron of
Thunder-ten-tronckh, and struck him across the face with the flat side of his
sword. Candide in an instant drew his rapier and plunged it up to the hilt in
the Jesuit's body; but in pulling it out reeking hot, he burst into tears.
"Good God!" cried he, "I have killed my old master, my friend,
my brother-in-law. I am the best man in the world, and yet I have already
killed three men, and of these three, two were priests."
who was standing sentry near the door of the arbor, instantly ran up.
"Nothing remains," said his master, "but to sell our lives as
dearly as possible; they will undoubtedly look into the arbor; we must die
sword in hand."
Cacambo, who had seen many of this kind of adventures, was not discouraged.
He stripped the Baron of his Jesuit's habit and put it upon Candide, then gave
him the dead man's three-cornered cap and made him mount on horseback. All
this was done as quick as thought.
"Gallop, master," cried Cacambo; "everybody will take you for
a Jesuit going to give orders; and we shall have passed the frontiers before
they will be able to overtake us."
He flew as he spoke these words, crying out aloud in Spanish, "Make way;
make way for the Reverend Father Colonel."
Happened to Our Two Travelers with Two Girls,
Two Monkeys, and the
Savages, Called Biglugs
Candide and his valet had already passed the frontiers before it was known
that the German Jesuit was dead. The wary Cacambo had taken care to fill his
wallet with bread, chocolate, some ham, some fruit, and a few bottles of
wine. They penetrated with their Andalusian horses into a strange country,
where they could discover no beaten path. At length a beautiful meadow,
intersected with purling rills, opened to their view. Cacambo proposed to his
master to take some nourishment, and he set him an example.
"How can you desire me to feast upon ham, when I have killed the Baron's
son and am doomed never more to see the beautiful Cunegund? What will it
avail me to prolong a wretched life that must be spent far from her in remorse
and despair? And then what will the
journal of Trevoux [JS10]say?" was Candide's reply.
While he was making these reflections he still continued eating. The sun was
now on the point of setting when the ears of our two wanderers were assailed
with cries which seemed to be uttered by a female voice. They could not tell
whether these were cries of grief or of joy; however, they instantly started
up, full of that inquietude and apprehension which a strange place naturally
inspires. The cries proceeded from two
young women who were tripping disrobed along the mead, while two monkeys
followed close at their heels biting at their limbs.
Candide was touched with compassion; he
had learned to shoot while he was among the Bulgars, and he could hit a
filbert in a hedge without touching a leaf. Accordingly he took up his
double-barreled Spanish gun, pulled the trigger, and laid the two monkeys
lifeless on the ground.
"God be praised, my dear Cacambo, I have rescued two poor girls from a
most perilous situation; if I have committed a sin in killing an Inquisitor
and a Jesuit, I have made ample amends by saving the lives of these two
distressed damsels. Who knows but they may be young ladies of a good family,
and that the assistance I have been so happy to give them may procure us
great advantage in this country?"
He was about to continue when he felt himself struck speechless at seeing the
two girls embracing the dead bodies of the monkeys in the tenderest manner,
bathing their wounds with their tears, and rending the air with the most
"Really," said he to Cacambo, "I should not have expected to
see such a prodigious share of good nature."
"Master," replied the knowing valet, "you have made a precious
piece of work of it; do you know that you have killed the lovers of these two
"Their lovers! Cacambo, you are jesting! It cannot be! I can never
"Dear sir," replied Cacambo, "you are surprised at everything.
Why should you think it so strange that there should be a country where
monkeys insinuate themselves into the good graces of the ladies? They are the
fourth part of a man as I am the fourth part of a Spaniard."
"Alas!" replied Candide, "I remember to have heard my master
Pangloss say that such accidents as these frequently came to pass in former
times, and that these commixtures are productive of centaurs, fauns, and
satyrs; and that many of the ancients had seen such monsters; but I looked
upon the whole as fabulous."
"Now you are convinced," said Cacambo, "that it is very true,
and you see what use is made of those creatures by persons who have not had a
proper education; all I am afraid of is that these same ladies may play us some
These judicious reflections operated so far on Candide as to make him quit
the meadow and strike into a thicket. There he and Cacambo supped, and after
heartily cursing the Grand Inquisitor, the Governor of Buenos Ayres, and the
Baron, they fell asleep on the ground. When they awoke they were surprised to
find that they could not move; the reason was that the Biglugs who inhabit
that country, and to whom the ladies had given information of these two
strangers, had bound them with cords made of the bark of trees. They saw
themselves surrounded by fifty naked Biglugs
armed with bows and arrows, clubs, and hatchets of flint[JS12];
some were making a fire under a large cauldron; and others were preparing
spits, crying out one and all, "A Jesuit! a Jesuit! we shall be
revenged; we shall have excellent cheer; let us eat this Jesuit; let us eat
"I told you, master," cried Cacambo, mournfully, "that these
two wenches would play us some scurvy trick."
Candide, seeing the cauldron and the spits, cried out, "I suppose they
are going either to boil or roast us. Ah! what would Pangloss say if he were
to see how pure nature is formed? Everything is right; it may be so; but I
must confess it is something hard to be bereft of dear Miss Cunegund, and to
be spitted like a rabbit by these barbarous Biglugs."
Cacambo, who never lost his presence of mind in distress, said to the
disconsolate Candide, "Do not despair; I understand a little of the
jargon of these people; I will speak to them."
"Ay, pray do," said Candide, "and be sure you make them
sensible of the horrid barbarity of boiling and roasting human creatures, and
how little of Christianity there is in such practices."
"Gentlemen," said Cacambo, "you think perhaps you are going to
feast upon a Jesuit; if so, it is mighty well; nothing can be more agreeable
to justice than thus to treat your enemies. Indeed the law of nature teaches us to kill our neighbor
[JS13], and accordingly we find this practiced
all over the world; and if we do not indulge ourselves in eating human flesh,
it is because we have much better fare; but for your parts, who have not such
resources as we, it is certainly much better judged to feast upon your
enemies than to throw their bodies to the fowls of the air; and thus lose all
the fruits of your victory.
"But surely, gentlemen, you would not choose to eat your friends. You
imagine you are going to roast a Jesuit, whereas my master is your friend,
your defender, and you are going to spit the very man who has been destroying
your enemies; as to myself, I am your countryman; this gentleman is my
master, and so far from being a Jesuit, give me leave to tell you he has very
lately killed one of that order, whose spoils he now wears, and which have
probably occasioned your mistake. To convince you of the truth of what I say,
take the habit he has on and carry it to the first barrier of the Jesuits'
kingdom, and inquire whether my master did not kill one of their officers. There
will be little or no time lost by this, and you may still reserve our bodies
in your power to feast on if you should find what we have told you to be
false. But, on the contrary, if you find it to be true, I am persuaded you
are too well acquainted with the principles of the laws of society, humanity, and justice, not to use us courteously, and suffer
us to depart unhurt."
This speech appeared very reasonable to the Biglugs they deputed two of their
people with all expedition to inquire into the truth of this affair, who
acquitted themselves of their commission like men of sense, and soon returned
with good tidings for our distressed adventurers. Upon this they were loosed,
and those who were so lately going to
roast and boil them now showed them all sorts of civilities, offered them girls, gave them
refreshments, and re-conducted them to the confines of their country, crying
before them all the way, in token of joy, "He is no Jesuit! he is no
Candide could not help admiring the cause of his deliverance. "What men!
what manners!" cried he. "If I had not fortunately run my sword up
to the hilt in the body of Miss Cunegund's brother, I should have certainly
been eaten alive. But, after all, pure nature is an excellent thing; since
these people, instead of eating me, showed me a thousand civilities as soon
as they knew was not a Jesuit."
and His Valet Arrive in the Country of El Dorado-
What They Saw There
When to the frontiers of the Biglugs, said Cacambo to Candide, "You see,
this hemisphere is not better than the other; now take my advice and let us
return to Europe by the shortest way possible."
"But how can we get back?" said Candide; "and whither shall we
go? To my own country? The Bulgars and the Abares are laying that waste with
fire and sword. Or shall we go to Portugal? There I shall be burned; and if
we abide here we are every moment in danger of being spitted. But how can I
bring myself to quit that part of the world where my dear Miss Cunegund has
"Let us return towards Cayenne," said Cacambo. "There we shall
meet with some Frenchmen, for you know those gentry ramble all over the
world. Perhaps they will assist us, and God will look with pity on our
It was not so easy to get to Cayenne. They knew pretty nearly whereabouts it
lay; but the mountains, rivers, precipices, robbers, savages, were dreadful
obstacles in the way. Their horses died with fatigue and their provisions
were at an end. They subsisted a whole month on wild fruit, till at length
they came to a little river bordered with cocoa trees; the sight of which at
once revived their drooping spirits and furnished nourishment for their
Cacambo, who was always giving as good advice as the old woman herself, said
to Candide, "You see there is no holding out any longer; we have
traveled enough on foot. I spy an empty canoe near the river side; let us
fill it with cocoanuts, get into it, and go down with the stream; a river
always leads to some inhabited place. If we do not meet with agreeable
things, we shall at least meet with something new."
"Agreed," replied Candide; "let us recommend ourselves to
They rowed a few leagues down the river, the banks of which were in some
places covered with flowers; in others barren; in some parts smooth and
level, and in others steep and rugged. The stream widened as they went
further on, till at length it passed under one of the frightful rocks, whose
summits seemed to reach the clouds. Here our two travelers had the courage to
commit themselves to the stream, which, contracting in this part, hurried
them along with a dreadful noise and rapidity.
At the end of four and twenty hours they saw daylight again; but their canoe
was dashed to pieces against the rocks. They were obliged to creep along,
from rock to rock, for the space of a league, till at length a spacious plain
presented itself to their sight. This
place was bounded by a chain of inaccessible mountains.The country appeared cultivated equally
for pleasure and to produce the necessaries of life. The useful and agreeable
were here equally blended. The roads were covered, or rather adorned, with
carriages formed of glittering materials, in which were men and women of a
surprising beauty, drawn with great rapidity by red sheep of a very large
size; which far surpassed the finest coursers of Andalusian Tetuan, or
"Here is a country, however," said Candide, "preferable to
He and Cacambo landed near the first village they saw, at the entrance of
which they perceived some children covered with tattered garments of the
richest brocade, playing at quoits. Our two inhabitants of the other
hemisphere amused themselves greatly with what they saw. The quoits were
large, round pieces, yellow, red, and green, which cast a most glorious
luster. Our travelers picked some of them up, and they proved to be gold,
emeralds, rubies, and diamonds; the least of which would have been the
greatest ornament to the superb throne of the Great Mogul.
"Without doubt," said
Cacambo, "those children must be the King's sons that are playing at
As he was uttering these words the schoolmaster of the village appeared, who
came to call the children to school.
"There," said Candide, "is the preceptor of the royal
The little ragamuffins immediately quitted their diversion, leaving the
quoits on the ground with all their other playthings. Candide gathered them
up, ran to the schoolmaster, and, with a most respectful bow, presented them
to him, giving him to understand by signs that their Royal Highnesses had
forgot their gold and precious stones. The schoolmaster, with a smile, flung
them upon the ground, then examining Candide from head to foot with an air of
admiration, he turned his back and went on his way.
Our travelers took care, however, to gather up the gold, the rubies, and the
"Where are we?" cried Candide. "The King's children in this
country must have an excellent education, since they are taught to show such
a contempt for gold and precious stones."
Cacambo was as much surprised as his master. They then drew near the first
house in the village, which was built after the manner of a European palace.
There was a crowd of people about the door, and a still greater number in the
house. The sound of the most delightful instruments of music was heard, and
the most agreeable smell came from the kitchen. Cacambo went up to the door
and heard those within talking in the Peruvian language, which was his mother
tongue; for everyone knows that Cacambo was born in a village of Tucuman,
where no other language is spoken.
"I will be your interpreter here," said he to Candide. "Let us
go in; this is an eating house."
Immediately two waiters and two servant-girls, dressed in cloth of gold, and
their hair braided with ribbons of tissue, accosted the strangers and invited
them to sit down to the ordinary. Their dinner consisted of four dishes of
different soups, each garnished with two young paroquets, a large dish of
bouille that weighed two hundred weight, two roasted monkeys of a delicious flavor,
three hundred hummingbirds in one dish, and six hundred flybirds in another;
some excellent ragouts, delicate tarts, and the whole served up in dishes of
rock-crystal. Several sorts of liquors, extracted from the sugarcane, were
handed about by the servants who attended.
Most of the company were chapmen and wagoners, all extremely polite; they
asked Cacambo a few questions with the utmost discretion and circumspection;
and replied to his in a most obliging and satisfactory manner.
As soon as dinner was over, both Candide and Cacambo thought they should pay
very handsomely for their entertainment by laying down two of those large
gold pieces which they had picked off the ground; but the landlord and
landlady burst into a fit of laughing and held their sides for some time.
When the fit was over, the landlord said, "Gentlemen, I plainly perceive
you are strangers, and such we are not accustomed to charge; pardon us,
therefore, for laughing when you offered us the common pebbles of our
highways for payment of your reckoning. To be sure, you have none of the coin
of this kingdom; but there is no necessity of having any money at all to dine
in this house. All the inns, which are
established for the convenience of those who carry on the trade of this
nation, are maintained by the government.You have found but very indifferent
entertainment here, because this is only a poor village; but in almost every
other of these public houses you will meet with a reception worthy of persons
of your merit."
Cacambo explained the whole of
this speech of the landlord to Candide, who listened to it with the same
astonishment with which his friend communicated it.
"What sort of a country is this," said the one to the other,
"that is unknown to all the world; and in which Nature has everywhere so
different an appearance to what she has in ours? Possibly this is that part
of the globe where everywhere is right, for there must certainly be some such
place. And, for all that Master Pangloss could say, I often perceived that
things went very ill in Westphalia."
Saw in the Country of El Dorado
Cacambo vented all his curiosity upon his landlord by a thousand different
questions; the honest man answered him thus, "I am very ignorant, sir,
but I am contented with my ignorance; however, we have in this neighborhood
an old man retired from court, who is the most learned and communicative
person in the whole kingdom."
He then conducted Cacambo to the old man; Candide acted now only a second
character, and attended his valet. They entered a very plain house, for the
door was nothing but silver, and the ceiling was only of beaten gold, but
wrought in such elegant taste as to vie with the richest. The antechamber,
indeed, was only incrusted with rubies and emeralds; but the order in which
everything was disposed made amends for this great simplicity.
The old man received the strangers on his sofa, which was stuffed with
hummingbirds' feathers; and ordered his servants to present them with liquors
in golden goblets, after which he satisfied their curiosity in the following
"I am now one hundred and seventy-two years old, and I learned of my
late father, who was equerry to the King, the amazing revolutions of Peru, to
which he had been an eyewitness. This kingdom is the ancient patrimony of the
Incas, who very imprudently quitted it to conquer another part of the world,
and were at length conquered and destroyed themselves by the Spaniards.
"Those princes of their family who remained in their native country
acted more wisely. They ordained, with the consent of their whole nation,
that none of the inhabitants of our
little kingdom should ever quit it; and to this wise ordinance we owe the
preservation of our innocence and happiness. The Spaniards had some confused
notion of this country, to which they gave the name of El Dorado; and Sir
Walter Raleigh, an Englishman, actually came very near it about three hundred
years ago; but the inaccessible rocks and precipices with which our country
is surrounded on all sides, has hitherto secured us from the rapacious fury
of the people of Europe, who have an unaccountable fondness for the pebbles
and dirt of our land, for the sake of which they would murder us all to the
very last man."
The conversation lasted some time and turned chiefly on the form of
government, their manners, their women, their public diversions, and the
arts. At length, Candide, who had always had a taste for metaphysics, asked
whether the people of that country had any religion.
The old man reddened a little at this question.
"Can you doubt it?" said he; "do you take us for wretches lost
to all sense of gratitude?"
Cacambo asked in a respectful manner what
was the established religion of El Dorado. The old man blushed again and said, "Can
there be two religions, then? Ours, I apprehend, is the religion of the whole
world; we worship God from morning till night."
"Do you worship but one God?" said Cacambo, who still acted as the
interpreter of Candide's doubts.
"Certainly," said the old man; "there are not two, nor three,
nor four Gods. I must confess the people of your world ask very extraordinary
However, Candide could not refrain from making many more inquiries of the old
man; he wanted to know in what manner they prayed to God in El Dorado.
"We do not pray to Him at all," said the reverend sage; "we
have nothing to ask of Him, He has given us all we want, and we give Him
Candide had a curiosity to see some of their priests, and desired Cacambo to
ask the old man where they were. At which he smiling said, "My friends,
we are all of us priests; the King and all the heads of families sing solemn
hymns of thanksgiving every morning, accompanied by five or six thousand
"What!" said Cacambo, "have you no monks among you to dispute,
to govern, to intrigue, and to burn people who are not of the same opinion
"Do you take us for fools?" said the old man. "Here we are all
of one opinion, and know not what you mean by your monks."
During the whole of this discourse Candide was in raptures, and he said to
himself, "What a prodigious difference is there between this place and
Westphalia; and this house and the Baron's castle. Ah, Master Pangloss! had
you ever seen El Dorado, you would no longer have maintained that the castle
of Thunder-ten-tronckh was the finest of all possible edifices; there is
nothing like seeing the world, that's certain."
This long conversation being ended, the old man ordered six sheep to be
harnessed and put to the coach, and sent twelve of his servants to escort the
travelers to court.
"Excuse me," said he, "for not waiting on you in person, my
age deprives me of that honor. The King will receive you in such a manner
that you will have no reason to complain; and doubtless you will make a proper
allowance for the customs of the country if they should not happen altogether
to please you."
Candide and Cacambo got into the coach, the six sheep flew, and, in less than
a quarter of an hour, they arrived at the King's palace, which was situated
at the further end of the capital. At the entrance was a portal two hundred
and twenty feet high and one hundred wide; but it is impossible for words to
express the materials of which it was built. The reader, however, will
readily conceive that they must have a prodigious superiority over the
pebbles and sand, which we call gold and precious stones.
Twenty beautiful young virgins in waiting received Candide and Cacambo on
their alighting from the coach, conducted them to the bath and clad them in
robes woven of the down of hummingbirds; after which they were introduced by
the great officers of the crown of both sexes to the King's apartment,
between two files of musicians, each file consisting of a thousand, agreeable
to the custom of the country.
When they drew near to the presence-chamber, Cacambo asked one of the
officers in what manner they were to pay their obeisance to His Majesty;
whether it was the custom to fall upon their knees, or to prostrate
themselves upon the ground; whether they were to put their hands upon their heads,
or behind their backs; whether they were to lick the dust off the floor; in
short, what was the ceremony usual on such occasions.
"The custom," said the great officer, "is to embrace the King
and kiss him on each cheek."
Candide and Cacambo accordingly threw their arms round His Majesty's neck,
who received them in the most gracious manner imaginable, and very politely
asked them to sup with him.
While supper was preparing, orders were given to show them the city, where
they saw public structures that reared their lofty heads to the clouds; the
marketplaces decorated with a thousand columns; fountains of spring water,
besides others of rose water, and of liquors drawn from the sugarcane,
incessantly flowing in the great squares, which were paved with a kind of
precious stones that emitted an odor like that of cloves and cinnamon.
Candide asked to see the High Court of
Justice, the Parliament; but was answered that they had none in that country,
being utter strangers to lawsuits. He then inquired if they had any prisons;
they replied none. But what gave him at once the greatest surprise and
pleasure was the Palace of Sciences, where he saw a gallery two thousand feet
long, filled with the various apparatus in mathematics and natural
After having spent the whole afternoon in seeing only about the thousandth
part of the city, they were brought back to the King's palace. Candide sat
down at the table with His Majesty, his valet Cacambo, and several ladies of
the court. Never was entertainment more elegant, nor could any one possibly
show more wit than His Majesty displayed while they were at supper. Cacambo
explained all the King's bons mots to Candide, and, although they were
translated, they still appeared to be bons mots. Of all the things that
surprised Candide, this was not the least.
They spent a whole month in this hospitable place, during which time Candide
was continually saying to Cacambo, "I own, my friend, once more, that
the castle where I was born is a mere nothing in comparison to the place
where we now are; but still Miss
Cunegund is not here[JS22], and you yourself have doubtless some
fair one in Europe for whom you sigh. If we remain here we shall only be as
others are; whereas if we return to our own world with only a dozen of El
Dorado sheep, loaded with the pebbles of this country, we shall be richer
than all the kings in Europe; we shall no longer need to stand in awe of the
Inquisitors; and we may easily recover Miss Cunegund."
This speech was perfectly agreeable to Cacambo. A fondness for roving, for making a figure in their own country, and
for boasting of what they had seen in their travels, was so powerful in our
two wanderers that they resolved to be no longer happy[JS23]; and demanded permission of the King
to quit the country.
"You are about to do a rash and silly action," said the King.
"I am sensible my kingdom is an inconsiderable spot; but when people are
tolerably at their ease in any place, I should think it would be to their
interest to remain there. Most assuredly, I have no right to detain you, or
any strangers, against your wills; this is an act of tyranny to which our
manners and our laws are equally repugnant. All men are by nature free; you
have therefore an undoubted liberty to depart whenever you please, but you
will have many and great difficulties to encounter in passing the frontiers.
It is impossible to ascend that rapid river which runs under high and vaulted
rocks, and by which you were conveyed hither by a kind of miracle. The
mountains by which my kingdom are hemmed in on all sides, are ten thousand
feet high, and perfectly perpendicular; they are above ten leagues across,
and the descent from them is one continued precipice.
"However, since you are determined to leave us, I will immediately give
orders to the superintendent of my carriages to cause one to be made that
will convey you very safely. When they have conducted you to the back of the mountains,
nobody can attend you farther; for my subjects have made a vow never to quit
the kingdom, and they are too prudent to break it. Ask me whatever else you
"All we shall ask of Your Majesty," said Cacambo, "is only a
few sheep laden with provisions, pebbles, and the clay of your country."
The King smiled at the request and said, "I cannot imagine what pleasure
you Europeans find in our yellow clay; but take away as much of it as you
will, and much good may it do you."
He immediately gave orders to his
engineers to make a machine to hoist these two extraordinary men out of the
Three thousand good machinists went to work and finished it in about fifteen
days, and it did not cost more than twenty millions sterling of that
country's money. Candide and Cacambo were placed on this machine, and they
took with them two large red sheep, bridled and saddled, to ride upon, when
they got on the other side of the mountains; twenty others to serve as
sumpters for carrying provisions; thirty laden with presents of whatever was
most curious in the country, and fifty with gold, diamonds, and other
precious stones. The King, at parting with our two adventurers, embraced them
with the greatest cordiality.
It was a curious sight to behold the manner of their setting off, and the
ingenious method by which they and their sheep were hoisted to the top of the
mountains. The machinists and engineers took leave of them as soon as they
had conveyed them to a place of safety, and Candide was wholly occupied with
the thoughts of presenting his sheep to Miss Cunegund.
"Now," cried he, "thanks to Heaven, we have more than
sufficient to pay the Governor of Buenos Ayres for Miss Cunegund, if she is
redeemable. Let us make the best of our way to Cayenne, where we will take
shipping and then we may at leisure think of what kingdom we shall purchase
with our riches."